Eternal Obliqueness, or 86'd Again Again

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Thrown out of another joint. I should have expected it, as all pastors are the same when it gets down to boards of directors and breakfast meetings discussing policy. Somewhere my volunteer work at a Christian nonprofit nearby got stymied, and suddenly they do not need any more volunteers. "Your services are no longer needed, Miss Kay," was the word to me today, and I just knew, in my visceral way of feeling. I walked out saying goodbye to the two other volunteers who were still working there. .

The new director must have Googled my name, she saw the topic on which I write. Churches never want me around when they find out who I am, of course it would apply to nonprofits run by church groups as well. Or could be they just don't want a journalist around that much, as face it, if I see something untoward, it won't be five minutes before I'm reporting it.

Whatever, I begin to realize you can't fight the life God puts in front of you. I was volunteering mainly to fight isolation and get my head out of the topic on which I've been writing for a few hours a week.

Then with no reason or real explanation, got fired from my volunteer job this afternoon. I was volunteering to try to get out of isolation.

Well.

Writers often deal with isolation, I need to learn to love isolation, as I'm begining to realize alone-ness for long periods of time goes with the territory. In order to engage your mind as much as it takes to get out long stories, you have to be at home, alone, even unstuck in time if necessary.

And God put this topic in front of me to write as well.

So my plan to be a volunteer backfired. Pedophile priest victims who write about it and use their real names find themselves strangely cut off from many avenues in life, I'm finding.

So one more afternoon is free for me to continue to be at home where often, for weeks, the only voices I interact with are over the phone, so please, friends, call me, keep calling me.

Meanwhile, I give up on trying to end the isolation in my life and instead have to just learn to deal with it, accept the slight madness that results. Instead of hating isolation, languish and enjoy- indeed love the extra sensitivity that the isolation gives me.

Aloneness gives me a unique way of seeing things as I'm always an observer...

Whatever. It's their loss. I wanted to, as a volunteer, start a project at that Christian nonprofit getting people jobs, clients who really want to get out of homelessness, instead I'm out the door again. Inevitably I never last anywhere more than a few weeks, sometimes just days or even hours, before I'm asked to leave. It just happened again.

Again, a pattern I can't fight anymore, it's not going to stop, I have to embrace it.

Hey, getting fired all the time means I have a lot of variety in my life.

Onward