Relax, You Will Hear Everything You Need to Hear When the Time is Right

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Once again heard just what I needed to hear in Anger Management at Hope Again today, all the way at the end of the session, when I had started staring at the clock and again, wondering why I am coming there. Then we got to the list of bullet points under:

“The more you have of the following, the more anger you will have.”

In the middle of the list was this item:

"Preoccupation with winning approval from others."

I had a star by this one, because I wondered, what does this characteristic have to do with anger. In the group we joked a bit, agreeing that "people pleasers" make other people angry more than themselves. But no, this is about how by being the people pleaser, you can set your own self up for feeling angry.

Then I got it: The anger is in the frustration that there are some people you just can’t please.

Your anger comes from beating up against a wall over and over again, expecting to finally please people who, like it or not, are never going to be pleased with you.

I had to admit, even though quietly and internally, I’d been saying to myself a lot lately, why do you care that the people who run SNAP don't like you. They didn't like you to from the very start, in fact, that's why it became an issue with me to begin with.

What am I doing wrong???? I wasted a good two years wondering.

I'm not doing anything wrong.

They're just never going to like me, for their own reasons.

So who cares?

Message to me: Don't do City of Angels expecting to get anything out of it. Just blog it because I wake up at 3:30 AM burning to blog it.

If somebody doesn't like it, So What? Especially since the guys who don't like it, won’t like it anyway.

Because anyone who believes the whispering behind the scenes against me instead of judging this blog based on its merit, is no one I need around me anyway.

I'm thinking about a line on a Law & Order episode recently, or it may have been a movie, an older cop delivered the line to a young rookie, who was all enthusiastic: “I have a hunch about this case.”

The older detective looked wise and said, “Problem is, boy, when a guy has a hunch, then that's all he sees when he looks at the evidence.”

Or something like that.

Point is, it’s best to just go forward and keep searching, keep digging. I don't know what is going to be uncovered. I know there’s a big effort to try to stifle City of Angels, and it’s left me way more isolated than I ever wanted to be, but hey, that's the way it is.

Thanks to isolation, I don't always have to put on makeup.

Last year I was unhappy that my apartment has no windows that look out on the street. We live kind of in the back, blocked in by other buildings, where you can’t see out into the world.

I was angry that I’d landed here.

Now, after feeling a bit threatened past few months, I realize how grateful I am that the apartment I live in has no windows that look out onto the street. Because being in this hidden unit, no one can see in to where I live from the street either. I'm safe, cocooned back here.

You never know why God puts you in places, even places you don't want to be. You just have to trust His will, and keep going forward.
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Old Anger Management Standby:

James 1:19-21 (NIV translation)

19. Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. 21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

COOLEST TRANSLATION:

James 1:19-21 (The Message) Act on What You Hear

9-21 Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear. God's righteousness doesn't grow from human anger. So throw all spoiled virtue and cancerous evil in the garbage. In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life.

MOST ACCURATE:

James 1:19 (Amplified Bible)

Understand [this], my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry. 20For man's anger does not promote the righteousness God [wishes and requires].

21So get rid of all uncleanness and the rampant outgrowth of wickedness, and in a humble (gentle, modest) spirit receive and welcome the Word which implanted and rooted [in your hearts] contains the power to save your souls.
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Hey, I'm not saying I've achieved anything like this control of wrath and rage. But nobody's perfect, you can only pick yourself up each day, dust yourself off, and start all over again.

ke
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