Kicking

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The part of this story I'm not real public about is I'm kicking weed.

Way back in 1995 when I lived in San Francisco, I started using weed legally as medicine, using it every day, regularly like medicine.

And I do not regret a day of it. To the end of my life, I will give medical marijuana credit for getting me through a truly horrible time in my life. I was in total body pain, crippled weeks on end, and for years doctors had been filling me up with "antidepressants for pain" and all they did was make me fat.

It was medical marijuana that got me to stop crying, and feel good enough to get up and do everything else I had to do, in order to get better.

Now it's fifteen years later and I have to admit, I'm not that sick anymore, but I'm still using the medical marijuana. It is a habit, an addiction, but I don't really need it anymore.

So I'm having to say goodbye to the lovely weed, the miracle drug, the hypnotic flower whose image alone sparks desire for more....

I'm kicking.

I'm safe kicking in Albuquerque, because if things get really bad, Medical Marijuana is legal here. I'd just have to get a New Mexico ID and bring in my records from the L.A. Free Clinic, and get legal here, as PTSD is one of the illnesses that responds well to Med MJ. I'd have to become a New Mexico resident, which I don't want to do.

Next stop on this trip is Illinois, where they are not likely to pass "Compassionate Use" Med MJ laws any time soon. So I want to quit weed while I am here.

But if it becomes critical, I have legal medical weed to fall back on. The timing is perfect, maybe even more angelic intervention.

I want my full lung capacity back. I want my stronger attention span back. And I have to admit, if I'm not that sick anymore, why do I still use the drug. At some point you have to stop medication, just like codeine after surgery. At a certain point you have to put down the drug.

This is not going to be easy, and I timed it so I can taper down, with the little bit of medicine I carried with me on Amtrak to get here. I'm going to totally run out of weed just before Christmas, when there will not likely be a lot of work on my job, so I can stay in bed and take Tylenol PM and get through the first few days.

I've already hooked up by going to one NA meeting in Abq, did not get numbers though, as it does not feel right to connect with people in NA while I still have weed in my bag back at the hotel room. It might cause people at the NA meeting trouble. I'm not an addict, I'm just kicking a medicine. So for now I don't speak at NA meetings.

But I will continue go to open NA meetings and talk more after I totally run out of medicine, go there to hear what I need to hear. Open meetings only, like the cool one I found on Saturdays at noon where they actually spend time in quiet group meditation. I will definitely go back to that meeting a few more times, just to hear what I have to hear.

I'm conflicted about being at an NA meeting and not really being a lifetime addict, but I do need to be there as I am kicking. By mid-January I should be totally clear headed again, first time since about 1994, and who knows how much better City of Angels Blog will be with me totally clean.

It's all part of the story.
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